


In the Line of Duty

by just_writin



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Shooting, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29529120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_writin/pseuds/just_writin
Summary: Rafael Barba is injured while protecting Noah and Jesse.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 21
Kudos: 109





	1. Man Down

**Author's Note:**

> This is darker than what I have done in the past, so hopefully it turned out alright. Please let me know. I have seen this "Barba gets injured while protecting Noah" a few times done very well, this just happens to be the version stuck in my head and I'm hoping that writing it down will get it to finally leave. 
> 
> This was originally going to be a one shot, but decided there was more that I could add. While I am hoping to get more Barson in here, it is going to focus more on the team/family dynamic of the squad.

“Come on Barba, it will be 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops!” Rafael rolled his eyes at her.

“Rollins, when has any surprise meeting with Dodds lasted less than an hour?”

Amanda exhaled slowly as Olivia got up from his office couch and walked over to the two of them. She had just settled Noah and Jesse on Barba’s couch, much to his exasperation, with some toys and some coloring books. Chief Dodds had called her not even 15 minutes ago to inform her that she and Rollins were due to update him in his office at 1PP on their latest rape case at Hudson University. They had been getting the run-around from administration and campus security all week and Rollins had nearly lost it in the Dean’s office while serving a warrant. Dodds specifically requested them both in his office by 7:00pm to go over what they had and figure out how to smooth things over with campus administration. 

“Come on Rafa, do us a favor here. We’re already going to miss the Sesame Street show…”

“Disappointing.” Rafael muttered with a smirk. Rollins glared at him.

“Hey, Jesse has been talking about this damn show for weeks so you can just…” Rollins muttered darkly right back.

“ _Alright_ , that’s enough, both of you. As I was saying, we’re going to miss the show and both the kids are disappointed. I know you’re busy Rafa but they will be basically self-sufficient with some blocks and their coloring books until we get back. You’ve watched Noah before for far longer.”  
Barba sighed, knowing that there really wasn’t anything that was stopping him from watching Noah and Jesse. He was essentially done for the night, having a rare lull between cases. The jury had come back earlier that afternoon for the James Moore case with a guilty verdict and he wasn’t set to start the Tina Jones case until Monday. His exciting Friday night plans had only been to get a jump start on the paperwork for Tina’s case and then enjoy a couple glasses of scotch at home. 

“Yeah well, I’ve never been outnumbered before and who knows what kind of toddler martial arts Rollins has been teaching her kid.” Both women rolled their eyes at him and he was pretty sure that Rollins almost smacked him then and there, not for his comment, but for his attitude. Benson and Rollins both looked exhausted and Barba took pity on them. He could survive two toddlers on his home turf. 

“Go to your meeting, just get back fast.” He gave them each a glare that was just shy of sympathetic. Olivia and Amanda thanked him, said goodbye to Noah and Jesse once more and reminded them to behave. Barba watched them leave, fighting the little bit of insecurity that was threatening to settle in his chest. Rafael reminded himself that he had faced down tougher opponents in court and growing up in the Bronx. He took a deep sigh and walked over to the couch where Noah and Jesse were coloring. He sat on the edge of the coffee table and set his phone down next to him.

“Uncle Rafa, did you know we were supposed to go see Sesame Street?” Noah asked him. 

“I sure did. Sorry you guys won’t be able to go.”

“That’s okay, Mom said that we can go the next time. I was really excited to meet Elmo though, he’s my favorite.” Noah stated simply.

“Yeah?” Rafael looked at Jesse, she was still scribbling in the coloring book and completely ignoring the lines as most two-year-olds do. Noah was better, but was more like Picasso than Rembrandt. While he was “Uncle Rafa” to Noah, Barba hadn’t spent much time with Jesse unless it was a group event. And even then, he had never really talked with her. He knew that she was a shy child, but always came out of her shell when she was around her adoptive family. It was one of the many things that Jesse and Noah shared, their large extended family.

“What about you Jesse, who did you want to meet?” Rafael questioned her softly as he picked up a crayon and opened another coloring book to join them. Jesse looked at him suspiciously but decided she could share. 

“Big Bird is my favorite ‘cause I like yellow.” She said softly. Rafael smiled softly.

“I always liked Big Bird too because he was _really_ tall and I always wanted to be tall.”

“But you are tall Uncle Rafa!” Noah exclaimed and giggled next to him. 

“Thank you, Noah.” Rafael smiled at the boy. “But at the rate you two are growing you will both probably be taller than me by Christmas!” Noah let out another fit of giggles and Jesse, surprisingly, softly joined him. More confident that the two wouldn’t turn on him, Rafael decided to try to bring Jesse out of her shell.

“Ya know Jesse, I really like your coloring. When you’re done, do you think you could help me with mine?” Rafael turned his own coloring book toward her, showing his partially colored nature scene. Jesse smiled a little at him and nodded. 

“Okay Mr. Baba.”

“Jesse its ‘Barba’, but you can call him Uncle Rafa too if you want because he’s my family and you’re my family, so you guys are family too!” Noah rambled off. Jesse met Rafael’s eye shyly, clearly uncertain. Rafael really couldn’t blame her, the last 5 minutes were probably the longest amount of time the two of them had even engaged in conversation.

“Noah, Jesse doesn’t need to call my Uncle Rafa if she doesn’t want to.” Barba corrected him, while also thinking he wasn’t sure how Rollins would react his new and mostly likely unwanted ‘uncle’ status. He turned to address Jesse next. “You can call me Rafael or Rafa or Mr. Baba if you want Jesse. Heck you can even call me Oscar the Grouch if you want, It’s probably the most fitting name I could ever have.” All three of them giggled at that. Jesse picked up a crayon and leaned over to help Rafael with his picture, coloring the sky yellow.

 _Her art style is definitely more in the area of surrealism,_ Rafael thought to himself as he picked up another crayon and began coloring the grass blue.

***

They had been going for a little over 40 minutes, coloring and laughing at Rafael’s jokes. Barba had always secretly been a bit of a goofball, although he never showed it. Growing up in his house, in his neighborhood, and now in his job, he always had to be at the top of his game; no-nonsense, two steps ahead of everyone around him, professional and put together. Now, the only people who ever saw this side of him were his mother, Oliva, and Noah. And now Jesse, too, apparently. He always liked how kids were so non-judgmental and trusting, so different from the people he came in contact with at work. While he was never a natural with kids, the more time he had spent with Noah, the more comfortable he became embracing this other side of him. 

The three enjoyed their time coloring and Rafael had several new masterpieces gifted to him by the kids. Jesse, while still not completely sure of him, had opened up and was chattering away with him and Noah. The time to laugh was just what Rafael needed after the week he had and right before what promised to be an equally difficult week ahead. Having sent Carmen home hours ago, Rafael got up when he heard his front office door open. Assuming it was Olivia and Amanda, Rafael told the kids to start packing up their coloring and blocks so they would be ready to go home. Entrusting the ability of his young friends to collect their belongings, Rafael turned and walked to greet Amanda and Olivia at his office door.

“I told you Dodds was incapable of keeping a short meeting and…” Rafael trailed off as he realized that neither of the women he was expecting were in his office, rather he was face to face with Elijah Moore, father to James Moore, the man Rafael was responsible for sending to prison no less than five hours ago. 

The case against James had been straight forward with ample physical evidence and corroborating witness statements. James had raped four women before SVU had caught the case. Known to frequent a local gym, James would spend hours a week working out and scoping out targets; talking, poorly flirting, and then eventually drugging and raping the women in the locker room when he was rejected by his target. He then left them there to wake up alone in the shower stall, in the middle of the night, confused and ashamed of what had happened. He had been reckless with the last two, leaving behind DNA and having the audacity to speak with a gym employee in the hallway outside the locker room for 10 minutes after he was finished raping his final victim. It had taken a lot of foot work and legal pressure to convince the gym owner to turn over security footage from the days of the rapes and to hand over evidence they had tried to destroy in order to preserve their reputation. With all of the evidence and testimony in the trial, the jury had unanimously convicted 26-year-old James Moore on all four counts of rape in less than an hour. Everyone agreed he was guilty. In fact if the Judge had cared to, she could have polled the gallery and come back with a similar finding of guilt. Everyone agreed James was guilty. Everyone except his father. 

“Mr. Moore,” Rafael began trying to find how to address his unexpected visitor, “is there something I can do for you sir?”

“Yeah. Yeah Mr. Barba there is.” Elijah Moore was like his son in many ways. Both men were a respectable 6’ 2”, solidly built, with a handsome faces and likable personalities. James had been a track star in high school before a tragic injury had taken his collegiate scholarship away from him. Unable to afford to go to college, he had joined his father’s plumbing company as an apprentice, and apparently resented the world around him every day since. While it was clear that James was no golden son, his father Elijah was reluctant to believe the evidence laid out before him.

“You…look, I know that you and those detectives had a job to do…and….and what those girls said…I cant, I just don’t want to believe it. But…but please, will you talk to the judge, about a light sentence? James messed up, I know that…but he’s my boy and I cant loose him.” Elijah was barely holding it together, eyes red-rimmed and hair unkept. Barba took a step toward him and spoke softly. 

“Mr. Moore, I am sorry about your son, but it isn’t my place to speak to the judge about his sentencing. You can, however, talk to James’ attorney about the issue.”

Elijah nodded and took a shuttering breath in. Barba did take pity on him. It was clear to everyone during the investigation that despite his faults, James had a strong bond with his father. Elijah was clearly hurting, and Rafael didn’t want to push him any further than he had been today. 

“I understand, I’m…I’m sorry for barging in here like this so late, I’ll just see myself out…” 

At that moment, Noah ran out of Rafael’s office, still shoving colored pencils into his backpack, and into the waiting area where he was talking with Elijah Moore. 

“Do you think Mom will let us stop for ice cream on the way home? Jesse and I want ice cream with sprinkles and maybe some whipped cream on top, but Mom never lets us have a whole one…” Noah looked up mid-thought, “Oh, sorry…” 

“Noah! Can we get chocolate AND strawberry?” Jesse toddled out of the room after her cousin and froze, also noticing the unfamiliar adult. She looked ready to go, backpack on and pulled tight against her shoulders with her long blonde hair still underneath the straps. Jesse and Noah were both naturally shy and stepped closer together. Rafael took a step back from Elijah and crouched down next to the two. 

“We can ask about ice cream when your mom gets here, but I have to finish talking to Mr. Moore here for a few minutes, okay? While you wait, do you think you guys can sign those pictures that we drew? That way when you become famous artists, I can sell one to the Met, retire, and live off of the proceeds.” Rafael grabbed a pen from his jacket pocket and handed it to Noah. Noah glanced over at Elijah then back at Barba and nodded. Rafael nodded back, then gently nudged them back into his office before closing the door behind them. He let his hand rest on the door handle for a moment, taking in the change in the room. As soon as Noah and Jesse came out, Rafael felt a shift in the room’s energy. The sadness of the room had quickly evaporated and had been replaced with anger; it made the hair on the back of Rafael’s neck stand on end. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to Elijah. 

The acceptance that had been creeping into his expression before was no where to be seen, replaced by pure unadulterated rage. His red-rimmed eyes were full of hate. Rafael didn’t have the privilege of talking much with Elijah prior to the trial, but he had been under the impression that he was an understanding and level-headed man, although in denial of his son’s guilt. Now, however, that man had vanished. 

“You have kids…” Elijah started.

“No. No, Mr. Moore, they’re not-”

“Stop! You have _kids_ , you have a _son_ and yet you go ahead and take mine away from me?” Elijah was furious, literally shaking with rage as he tried to comprehend the life that he found himself in.

“Mr. Moore, they’re not my kids, I swear. They’re kids of a couple of colleagues who had a late-night meeting, I’m just doing them a favor until they get back.” Rafael explained calmly. He didn’t think it would benefit the situation to reveal that they were the kids of the officers who arrested his son, so chose to glance over their parentage while also hoping that Elijah had enough sense left to leave the office before they returned. 

“You got up there, in front of all of those people, and told them about _my son_ , about what he did. I was a good father! He was a good boy! Its not fair! Its not fair that after you destroy my family you get to go home to yours as if nothing happened!” Elijah was yelling, clearly frustrated and trying to grapple with his new reality. While he had entered Barba’s office hoping to use the attorney’s sway to help his son, it was clear the Rafael had become the enemy, the target for all of his confusion and rage. Rafael hoped to reason with him again, afraid that the man’s nervous pacing was indicative of a mental break. 

“Mr. Moore, like I said, they’re not my kids, I’m doing a favor for some friends. Now, I’m sorry about your son-“ 

“SORRY? You’re SORRY? How can you be sorry! You don’t understand, no one can understand!” 

Rafael was hoping that Dodds really could keep to a short meeting and that Olivia and Amanda were on their way back to his office. He wasn’t sure what Elijah was capable of, but it was clear he didn’t have much of a plan when he walked into Barba’s office. Elijah took two steps closer to Barba and the doors to his office. Rafael in turn took a step towards Elijah, trying to put space between the unstable man before him and the kids behind him. Rafael held his hands low, just above his waist, trying to physically illustrate that he wanted to deescalate the situation. 

“Mr. Moore, I misspoke, and I didn’t mean to. Of course, no one can understand what you’re going through right now. It was a long day…a lot of stress…is there someone I can call to give you a ride home, or to a hotel?” Rafael tried once again to diffuse the situation, sensing that a complete melt down was eminent. 

“THERE IS NO ONE ELSE! Don’t you get that?! He was all that I had! And you TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME!” In his anger Elijah stepped closer to Barba, getting in his face and yelling as if it would make Rafael understand his pain. Barba could smell alcohol on his breath. 

Hoping that someone, anyone, left in the building had heard the yelling and already alerted security, Rafael tried to put more space between Elijah and himself once again. Rafael placed his hands lightly on Elijah’s shoulders and tried to gently push him backwards, careful not to make the move aggressive. Elijah took a step back. 

Having no success with his current tactics, Barba hoped that a more assertive approach would get through to Elijah.

“Mr. Moore, no one is taking James from you. He’s an adult, he made his own choices. From everything that I saw and that he said, you did a great job raising him.  
You did everything that you could for him…” Rafael gently pushed back again, leaving his hands on Elijah’s shoulders, to control how far back they were moving. “You couldn’t have known what was happening. You supported him through everything…” Rafael pushed again, guiding Elijah back another could of steps, “…there is nothing more that you can do for him except talk to the judge at sentencing.”

Elijah, although allowing Barba to steer him back towards the door, was shaking his head, refusing to accept James’ fate. 

“No, no, it can’t just be over. He was a good kid. He doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this!” Elijah’s eyes snapped back to Barba’s, and Barba could see the moment when he shifted from hesitant acceptance to complete rebellion against his better reasoning. Elijah brought his own hands up and pushed back at Rafael, shoving his back towards his office door a step.

“James doesn’t deserve this.” Elijah shoved again and Barba moved back another step.

“I don’t deserve this.” Another shove, this time harder, and Barba moved back another couple of steps.

“You can’t take my family away from me and not expect consequences.” Another shove, another step back.

“I will take your family away from you, like how you took mine from me. I will destroy you Mr. Barba, and _then_ you will understand what it is like to loose everything.” Elijah shoved Barba back once more, then quickly stepped closer to shove him again. Rafael stood his ground, not letting him come any closer to his office door. They met each other’s eye.

Anger met fear. 

Unstable met collected. 

Rage met determination. 

In spite of his father’s best efforts, Rafael was never much of a fighter. He was always smaller than the other kids in his neighborhood, and with Eddie Garcia on his side there were only a few people who dared mess with him. But Eddie couldn’t protect Rafael at home, couldn’t protect him from a father who thought he could beat toughness into a disappointing son. Rafael wasn’t much of a fighter, but he had grown up fighting. He just hoped it was enough. 

Elijah stepped in close to Rafael’s face, breathing heavily. His eyes were wide and wild, searching for something in Rafael’s that would justify his outburst. Rafael remained controlled, meeting Elijah’s gaze. It was a tactic he learned growing up; look them in the eye even though you knew they were going to kick his ass. His father had told him that if you focus on your escape, you will never get the chance to do so. But if you focus on your opponent, focus on the problem in front of you, you can meet your challenger head on. It always surprised Rafael that it was true. When you faced down your enemy, you can read their body language and react more quickly to their movement. It was probably the only piece of advice his father gave Rafael that was actually useful.

So, he stared Elijah down, looking for any indication of his first move. And he saw it. Elijah narrowed his eyes at the man before him, the man who took away his family and yet stood in defiance of him now. Elijah glanced ever so slightly down at Rafael’s chest before reaching out once more to shove him back. Rafael stumbled back half a step but remained where he was. Elijah’s anger sparked and he lashed out again, this time with a fist. Rafael saw him telegraph the punch and quickly ducked out of the way before throwing his own two hands out to shove Elijah backwards and create more distance between them. Elijah recovered quickly and threw another punch which Rafael quickly dodged with a step to the side. 

Both men had their hands out in front of them, like boxers in a ring. Elijah swung again with a right hook. Rafael ducked. Elijah jabbed with his left hand and Rafael stepped to the side. Becoming increasingly frustrated, Elijah’s next punch wildly missed, and Rafael was able to shove him back yet again. He was reluctant to throw a punch, not wanting to actually hurt the other man, but still needing to keep distance between Elijah and the kids before help arrived. Elijah growled out in anger, launching himself forward to tackle Barba backward. Pinned against his own door, there wasn’t much that Rafael could do except take the quick and hard punches that Elijah threw into his stomach and chest. In the room behind him, Rafael could hear crying and what sounded like Noah talking, trying to calm down Jesse. Rafael threw his shoulder into Elijah’s chest and quickly followed the movement with his right elbow up into his chin. Elijah stumbled back and threw another wild punch, this time connecting with the left side of Rafael’s face. Stunned for a moment, Rafael couldn’t stop the onslaught of punches coming at him. Curled down and protecting his face the best he could, Barba absorbed the punches. 

Elijah connected several times in his ribs and stomach, even getting a few solid punches into the side of Rafael’s head. Every punch into his torso became agony and he was having a difficult time seeing. Rafael knew there was only so much more he could take. He hesitantly lowered his guard.  
Elijah was tiring. He was panting heavily, but the feral blood lust in his eyes was still there. Seeing an opening, Rafael lashed out. His left hand jabbed at Elijah’s raised hands before his right flew out and connected with the side of his face. Elijah stumbled back. Rafael followed him, continuing his attack. His left jab hit Elijah in his chest next, and then again. Elijah threw another punch, connecting with Rafael’s left side. 

It hurt like hell. 

Rafael threw three punches in quick succession: left jab, left jab, right hook to Elijah’s nose, breaking it. Blood poured down Elijah’s face and he gingerly brought a hand up to his nose.

“Son of a bitch…” he muttered darkly before locking his eyes back on Rafael. He frantically lunged back at Rafael. Barba stood his ground, waiting for him to get close enough, before side stepping to his left hitting Elijah in the chest once more, following up with a right hook to the solar plexus, and a hard left hook to his jaw. The force of the punch threw Elijah back and to the ground. 

Barba stood over him, panting heavily. He slowly moved to Carmen’s desk, picking up the phone to dial for security. Having dialed the number, he turned to assess Elijah’s condition and froze. 

Elijah was still on the floor where he had fallen.

He had a gun in his hand, pointing it directly at Rafael’s chest. He couldn’t seem to hold it steady. 

“Security.” Said the voice on the other end.

“Mr. Moore, you don’t need to do this. Please, please put the gun down.” Rafael said softly.

“Sir, what room are you in.” The security officer said more urgently on the other side.

Elijah took a deep breath in.

“You will never understand.” Elijah said softly before pulling the trigger.

Three shots rang out.

Rafael dropped the phone and slowly pressed his hand to his stomach, feeling a spot of wetness. He dropped to his knees and slowly slumped against Carmen’s desk. 

Elijah had dropped the gun to his side but could still lift his head up just enough to watch as Rafael collapsed on to his side, hitting the floor with a thud. 

Taking another deep breath, Elijah closed his eyes and let unconsciousness overtake him.


	2. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be sometime in mid to late Season 18. No, Tucker and Olivia did not happen in this universe, sorry. As always, I own nothing.

Olivia and Amanda left Dodds’ office at 1PP later than they were hoping. Of course, Barba was right; Dodds couldn’t keep a meeting short if his life depended on it. The two women anxiously sat through the whole meeting with Dodds and a team of brass, Benson checking her watch every few minutes and Rollins continuously bouncing her leg. The brass didn’t seem to notice and just continued to drone one about how SVU could go about improving their relationship with Hudson University administration and saving face in the future. When one public image representative proposed a departmental apology, Olivia nearly bit his head off and even Dodds argued against the idea. An arduous 40 minutes later, Olivia and Amanda were finally able to leave. 

Walking out into street, Rollins let out a loud groan. It had been a long week and dealing with Hudson University always made everything more frustrating. While both women had dreaded the meeting, they were also secretly relieved that they didn’t have to sit through a 90-minute show surrounded by screaming and yelling kids. Although Noah and Jesse’s disappointment at missing the Sesame Street show did make them feel bad.

“Well Liv, do you think the kids have hog tied Barba in the corner of his office yet?” Rollins joked as they began the walk back towards 1 Hogan Place. Olivia chuckled lightly. She knew that Noah and Barba had a great relationship that drew out the goofy side of them both. Jesse was naturally a shy girl and although not very familiar with Barba, Olivia knew that she was probably fine with the man for a short time. 

“I’m sure they have kept him on his toes.” Olivia replied. Rollins laughed in agreement. 

Just then, two marked police cars sped by in the direction of 1 Hogan Place. Sirens in the city were common, and while both women knew that they likely were speeding _past_ 1 Hogan Place, they both subtly picked up their walking pace. When a fire truck and two ambulances sped past a moment later, Rollins and Benson broke into a jog. Olivia grabbed her phone out of her pocket and dialed Rafael’s cell phone. It rang out for several seconds before going to voice mail. She dialed again as Amanda took out her own phone and dialed his office line. Voice mail again. The two women looked at each other before breaking into a run. As they rounded the corner, they could see the ambulances staging at the front doors, medics getting out and quickly yet calmly walking up the steps as they were trained to do. Several NYPD officers stood outside, keeping people back and forming barrier between the building and the remaining public. Olivia noticed several straggling prosecutors and defense attorneys loitering outside, clearly having been evacuated from the building for whatever reason. 

Neither Olivia nor Amanda saw Barba or the kids outside. 

Both women grabbed their badges as they approached an officer.

“Lieutenant Benson, Detective Rollins. What happened? Our kids, I think our kids are inside” Olivia stated as professionally as possible. The officer looked at their badges and then at them, noticing how they were trying not to panic. 

“I’m sorry Lieutenant, there isn’t much that I know, I’m just here to secure the building. Let me make a call on the radio, see if I can get you in.” The officer quickly radioed in, briefly explaining the situation. “My CO ain’t here yet, but you can go inside. Officer Hutton will meet you in the lobby.” He told them before stepping aside and letting them through. Both women rushed inside, desperate for any kind of news.

It was almost surreal, passing through the same doors and columns that had always greeted them when walking into 1 Hogan place, but everything was different. There were cops seemingly everywhere, talking to security guards, custodial staff, and attorneys. The security desk had been abandoned. A team of EMTs were rushing down the stairs with their bags to talk to a firefighter who was on the radio with dispatch. They couldn’t hear everything, but they could make out _two males…gunshot wounds…unstable…unconscious…trauma transport_. The patrol cars outside washed the chaotic scene in front of them in an eerie red and blue light. Olivia and Amanda looked around for any sign of the kids or Barba. One officer, presumably the promised Officer Hutton, made her way over to them. 

“Lieutenant? Detective?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s us.” Rollins said as she and Olivia moved forward to meet her.

“The kids are fine, scared, but physically unharmed. We have an officer on scene with them now while we wait for the paramedics to transport.” Officer Hutton stated. Olivia reached out to put a hand on Amanda’s arm, stabilizing them both as they got the news. They were still shaky, needing physical reassurance of the kid’s safety. 

“What the hell happened here?” Olivia questioned. 

“We’re still trying to figure that out, Lieutenant.” Officer Hutton sighed. “As far as we can tell, 20 minutes ago an officer at the security desk radioed in three gunshots coming from one of the offices on the 6th floor. Five officers rushed upstairs to respond while an additional six patrol units were dispatched for back up. Officers on scene secured one firearm, a pistol, and then radioed in for two transports. One for an unconscious, breathing male. The second for an unconscious, breathing male with two gunshot wounds. When securing the scene, the offices found two kids in the back office. Both appeared to be unharmed. Scared, like I said, but physically fine. They told us you were both on the job. I was just about to radio for dispatch to get a hold of you when Ramirez called in from the front.  
Olivia and Amanda listened intently. If the kids were in Barba’s office, that would mean…

“Do you know who was injured?” Olivia asked softly, not quite ready to use the term _gunshot victim_. Officer Hutton looked at them somberly, and they knew before she even said it.

“ID on one of the males identified him as Elijah Moore. The second male was identified by security as ADA Rafael Barba.” Olivia felt the air leave her lungs. She could barely hear the rest of what Officer Hutton said. “As far as we can tell, there was a struggle between Mr. Moore and Mr. Barba. Mr. Barba was shot twice but medics were able to stabilize him for transport. CSU is en route.” 

Amanda was staring over Hutton’s shoulder, looking at nothing and Olivia was still trying to catch her breath. All three turned toward the elevators when they dinged. A team of paramedics and a couple of firefighters exited one of the elevators. Two were carrying a stretcher, two walked along either side, holding gauze to the patient. The team calmly carried the stretcher out of the elevator and headed towards the front doors. Olivia didn’t know if it would be better to look or not.

“Oh my God.” Amanda whispered beside her. 

They were able to get a decent look at Barba as they walked him by. He was pale and looked smaller than either of them had ever seen him. He had a split eyebrow which was bleeding down the side of his face. A black eye was already forming. He hadn’t been intubated, so he must have been breathing alright. As they got closer, they could see that his dress shirt had been ripped open. The ends were hanging down by his sides and covered in blood. They could see that the field dressings on his wounds had practically bled through. Olivia took a step toward him, needing to be closer, needing to see that her friend was going to be okay. Amanda grabbed her arm, stopping her, letting the team pass by so they could quickly get him into the ambulance. 

“Hey,” Amanda softly called to an EMT carrying the bags of equipment back to the ambulance. “What hospital are you taking him to?” Amanda asked as Olivia continued to follow their slow and careful progression down the front steps. 

“Bellevue is the closest trauma center, Ma’am.” The medic was able to say over his shoulder as he passed. 

It was all too familiar to Sargent Dodds’s death. The gun shot wound and transport to a trauma center, the teams of EMTs carrying a body of a friend to an ambulance. Olivia tried to shake off the feeling. 

A second ding drew their attention back to the elevators. Another team of paramedics exited. It was just a team of two, each carrying either end of the stretcher. If they hadn’t known that it was Elijah Moore, they would have had a difficult time recognizing him. His nose was out of place, likely broken, with blood covering his lower face. He appeared to be unconscious but was also capable of breathing on his own. The medics transported him, equally as carefully, down the stairs and Olivia and Amanda watched as they placed him in a separate ambulance. 

The two women turned back to Officer Hutton as her radio squawked. 

“The scene needs to remain secure for CSU, but we can go wait outside the front office door for your kids.” She said to them before turning towards the elevators and hitting the up arrow. As they loaded into the elevator, Olivia thought back to what she knew about Elijah Moore. He shad stood by his son throughout the entire trial, through every victim statement, and through all of the evidence. He never wavered in his support, but by the time the jury came back, she thought he had started to come around to idea that his son was guilty. He still loved him, having wrapped his arms around James in a somber goodbye after the verdict was read. She had spoken to him a few times over the course of the investigation. He had always seemed level-headed and rational. Sure, he ignored the evidence brought against James, but so did most parents whose kids were arrested for heinous crimes. Nothing in his behavior indicated that he had a violent streak or would react in such a way to the trial. Especially not hours after the verdict. 

The doors to the elevator opened. Olivia and Amanda followed Officer Hutton out into the hallway, one so familiar to both of them but now felt completely different. As they turned the corner, they could see another officer stationed outside the office door. 

“Lieutenant Benson and Detective Rollins. They’re here for the kids.” The office by the door nodded and called out to the back of the office. Olivia peered into the room. There was pool of blood t by Carmen’s desk, slowly staining the carpet. Her phone was off the hook, hanging down the side of the desk and lying on the ground. 

“Its so much blood…” Olivia trailed off quietly. Based on what Officer Hutton had said downstairs, officers had been on scene rather quickly. But there was still so. Much. Blood.

“Barba’s a fighter Liv, if anyone can make it its gonna to be him.” Amanda said beside her. Olivia turned. While her words were reassuring, the look on Amanda’s face as she took in the blood stain betrayed her concern. Amanda looked back at Olivia and the two silently conveyed their own fears to each other. 

“Mommy!”

“Mama!”

Olivia and Amanda quickly turned back to the office. Two officers were carefully walking through the office, each holding a child. Noah and Jesse couldn’t take their eyes off their mothers, both reaching out towards them as they neared. The officers passed the kids over to them when the got to the hallway and the mothers drew their respective child tight to their chest, not wanting to ever let go again. Olivia nodded at the officers as they excused themselves to help secure the office for CSU. Officer Hutton remained near them, waiting for an appropriate chance to interrupt their reunion. 

“I understand that this is difficult for you both, and for them, but they’re going to have a few questions to figure out what happened.” 

“We understand.” Olivia said quietly, keeping Noah close as she and Amanda walked a few feet away to sit on one of the benches down the hallway. They settled on the bench, neither knowing what more to do than keep their kids close. 

“Mommy, where is Uncle Rafa?” Noah said into her shoulder. Olivia pulled back slightly to look at her son. Noah looked at her, uncertainty, and a little bit of fear in his eyes. His face was splotchy red, indicating he had been crying. Olivia’s heart broke as she thought of something that she could say. She didn’t want to lie to them, but she also didn’t want to scare them further. Jesse had turned to look at them as well. 

“Uncle Rafa is a little hurt baby, but the nice EMTs took him to the doctor to help him feel better.” 

“Is he going to be okay?” Olivia looked over at Amanda and Jesse, who had also been crying. Amanda appeared to be at as much of a loss of words as her. 

“I sure hope so.” Olivia said gently, trying to keep her own fear off her face. Satisfied for the time being, Noah pressed his head back into his mother’s neck, seeking her comfort as they sat in silence. All still reeling from the reality of their circumstances, the time passed surprisingly quickly while the lead investigator finally arrived on scene. Olivia recognized Sergeant Wills as he stepped off the elevator. They had had a few interactions over the years but mostly saw each other at various work functions. Wills and his team generally worked high profile cases related to politics and corruption. Due to Rafael’s position in the DA’s office and recent death-threats, it made sense that his team would be handling the case. 

“Lieutenant Benson.” Wills greeted solemnly. “I’m sorry that we are seeing each other again under these circumstances. I understand that the kids were present when everything happened. I just have a few questions for them, and for you, before I can let you go for the evening.” 

“We understand, Sargent.” Oliva replied. Wills reached into his pocket and withdrew a pen and casebook. 

Wills cleared his throat before beginning his questions. “Okay, lets begin with what led up to the incident. When did you last see Mr. Barba? Why were the kids there?”

“We dropped the kids off in Rafael…ADA Barba’s office around 6:45. He was doing us a favor and was watching them while we had a last-minute meeting with Chief Dodds about a case.” Olivia said succinctly.

“Did you notice anything suspicious when you were arriving or leaving the office?”

Olivia had been thinking about that ever since they heard about the shooting, but she couldn’t think of anything. Amanda shook her head, also drawing a blank. 

“Sorry Sargent, nothing sticks out as being unusual.” Wills nodded his head as he made notes. He looked up at the kids, still clutching to their moms. 

“Okay. Noah, Jesse, what were you doing with Mr. Barba while your Moms were away.” Wills questioned softly. Neither Noah nor Jesse answered, instead they both  
seemed to turn further into their moms. 

“It’s okay baby. Can you tell us what you did with Mr. Barba?” Amanda softly asked her daughter. 

“We colored.” Jesse said softly.

“Colored? That sounds like a lot of fun.” Wills said, trying to encourage the kids a little more.

“Baba told us stories. We laughed.” Jesse added.

“Uncle Rafa said that we could call him Oscar the Grouch because Jesse couldn’t say Barba.” Noah said softly as he moved his head to look at Olivia. “We thought it was  
funny.” Noah turned to Sargent Wills, “Uncle Rafa only pretends to be mean like Oscar the Grouch. He’s really funny, right Jesse?” Jesse nodded and smiled.

“He said that we were going to be taller than him before Christmas. That’s silly.”  
Wills gave her a slightly bemused smile. “Yeah, that is pretty silly of him.” Olivia and Amanda exchanged a look, both imagining Barba as Oscar the Grouch. 

“About how long were you coloring when the Mr. Moore arrived? Did you see him at all?” Wills asked them.

“Was that that other man?” Noah asked.

“Well, what did the man you saw look like?” Wills asked, needing Noah or Jesse to identify Moore.

“He was tall.” Noah stated.

“Like Big Bird.” Jesse added. Noah nodded his agreement. 

“We were packing up our backpacks. Uncle Rafa said we needed to get ready for you and Aunt ‘Manda. I went to ask Uncle Rafa if we could get ice cream. That’s when I saw the other man.” Noah told Wills. 

“Did you see the other man, Jesse?” Wills asked her softly. Jesse nodded.

“He looked sad. Baba said we needed to write our names on our pictures for him. Then he closed the door.” Jesse told them all.

“Okay, that’s really good.” Wills told them. "Do you remember what color his hair was?"

"Really dark and short." Noah told him. Wills nodded, notating the description that for a couple of preschoolers identified Elijah Moore. 

"Did you see anyone else with the man?"

Both kids shook their heads no.

Wills directed his next question to Benson and Rollins. “What time did you tell Mr. Barba that you were going to be back.

“We told him we were hoping it would just be 30 minutes, but the meeting ran almost 50.” Amanda supplied. Wills nodded at her and wrote down the information.

“There should be cameras.” Olivia added suddenly. Wills looked up at her in confusion and Amanda also turned her attention to her. 

“Sorry, I just remembered. TARU installed a small security camera about five months ago, to record who comes in and out of his office. The cameras were supposed to be taken down a few weeks ago, but because TARU is backlogged and it isn’t a priority to _uninstall_ equipment, I don’t think it happened yet.” Olivia looked at Amanda meaningfully, not wanting to say _death threats_ in front of the kids. 

“I’ll have CSU contact TARU for the footage. If they’re still recording, we will have a pretty good idea of what happened.” Wills wrote another note in his booklet. “Tell me what you know about Mr. Moore.” He directed at Olivia and Amanda. 

“Mr. Moore is the father of James Moore. We just finished a case against James this afternoon, guilty verdict.” Amanda got straight to the point. “When we talked to him, he was always very cooperative with our questions and the situation considering. He didn’t think the investigation was valid, but he never tried to interfere in any way.” 

“He was upset with the jury’s verdict, but that was understandable.” Olivia added. Wills just jotted down more notes. 

“I think that’s everything I need. If I have any more questions…”

“You know where to reach us.” Olivia finished for him. 

“Just one more thing, Lieutenant. I need to reach out to next of kin, let them know about what happened. Do you know of anyone Mr. Barba would want contacted?” 

Olivia released a shuttering breath.

“His mother. I don’t have a number for her, but I can get one.”

“I can have an officer look her up, send someone over to give her the news.” Wills told her. 

“Actually, I think I need to let her know. We’ve met before and it might be easier coming from someone she knows. I can have one of my other detectives, Carisi, maybe…” Olivia looked to Amanda for confirmation, who nodded in agreement “…to pick her up and bring her to the hospital.” Wills nodded solemnly in return. 

“I’ll keep you and your squad in the loop as best as I can, just let me know if there is anything you need.” Wills told them both before making his way back to Barba’s office to talk with CSU. 

Olivia was reluctant to let go of Noah so soon, but there were some calls that she had to make.

“Noah, can you sit with Aunt Amanda while I got call Uncle Rafa’s Mama?” Noah tightened his grip on his mother and shook his head. “I know sweet boy, but it will just be for a few minutes then I will be right back, okay?” Olivia gently tried to extract her son. Noah complied after a moment and reluctantly went and sat next to Amanda, who wrapped a comforting arm around him.

“I’ll be right back sweet boy.” Olivia walked down the hallway for some privacy. She decided to call Fin first. As her second in command, he would be able to get the footage from TARU to Wills’ team. She also knew that he wouldn’t ask too many questions that she wasn’t prepared to answer. Olivia quickly dialed and Fin picked up after a couple rings.

“Aren’t you and ‘Manda supposed to be at some kids show right now?” He immediately asked instead of a greeting. Fin sensed something was wrong when she didn’t immediately tease him back.

“Liv? Everything okay?” Fin asked more softly. She took a shaky breath in before responding.

“It’s Barba. He’s…” Olivia cleared her throat before continuing “…he’s being transported to Bellevue. Elijah Moore shot him in his office.”

“Oh my God, Liv, I’m sorry. Have you seen him? Is he gonna be okay?”

“I don’t know Fin. He looked pretty bad. Amanda and I were picking up the kids from his office after our meeting with Dodds. We just saw him on the stretcher but…Fin, he didn’t look so good.”

“What do you need me to do for you?” Fin asked her softly.

“I need to call his Mom, Lucia Barba. She still lives in the Bronx. She should hear it from someone she knows.”

“I gottcha Liv. I can look up her phone number, send it your way. You want me to escort her to Bellevue?” Fin didn’t usually offer to console anybody; it was never his strongest skill. But Barba was family and Fin would do just about anything for family. 

“No, no that’s okay Fin. If you can find me an address, I’m going to send Carisi to pick her up and meet us at the hospital.”

“Good idea. Anything else I can do?” 

“Call TARU. See if they still have the camera in Barba’s office up and running. If they do, have them send the footage to Sergeant Wills in Major Crimes, his team is handling the investigation.”

“Got it.” Fin paused for a moment before asking his next question. “How are they kids? Were they hurt?” 

Olivia released another shuttering breath before answering. “They’re both scared but they’re not hurt. It doesn’t seem like they saw anything, which is a relief. Text me Lucia’s number and address when you have it.”

“Hang in there Liv, Barba’s a fighter, he’ll pull through.” Fin told her reassuringly. 

“Thanks, Fin.” Olivia said gratefully before she hung up. Next was Carisi. She may not have Lucia’s address, but she could at least get Carisi headed towards the Bronx so she wouldn’t have to wait too long. Olivia might have also been delaying the phone call as she was not looking forward to breaking the news. She dialed Carisi and waited for him to answer.

“Hey Lieu, I’m just getting out of the squad room, and don’t worry I already got that OT request on your desk like you asked.” Olivia could hear what sounded like Carisi shoving paperwork into his desk or filing cabinet, rushing to get out of the office as he had promised earlier.

“Carisi, I have a favor.” 

“Yeah, anything you need Lieu.” Carisi had stopped what he was doing, waiting for direction. 

“Fin should be looking for an address, when he gets it, I need you to go pick up Barba’s mother.” Olivia stated as calmly as she could, dreading the sea of questions that was sure to come her way.

“Barba’s mother? Is Barba okay? What happened?” Carisi asked.

“There was an incident at his office, he’s been shot…”

“Shot?! What…what happened?” 

“I don’t know everything yet, Carisi, I just need you to go pick up his mom, please.” Olivia practically begged. Sensing she was having a hard time keeping everything together, Carisi wisely backed off his questions. 

“Yeah, Lieu, of course I can go pick up his mom. Do I, uh, do you want me to tell her about what happened?” Carisi offered.

“No, that’s okay. I’m going to call her as soon as Fin find’s her number. She still lives up in the Bronx, I’m not exactly sure where. They took him to Bellevue; he should be there now.” Carisi confirmed the information before assuring her he would be headed that way with Lucia as soon as he could. 

Olivia peeked down the hallway towards Amanda. Both of the kids were safely tucked into either side of her. Amanda was staring straight ahead as she rubbed her arms up and down their backs. Reassured that they were fine for the time being, Olivia stepped backwards until her back hit the wall and closed he eyes. She tried to let the cool granite ground her, trying to prevent herself from spiraling as she processed what had happened. 

_Rafael’s been shot. Noah and Jesse were there, but they’re going to be okay. He’s probably already in surgery._

She remembered how pale he looked in the flashing lights of the squad cars outside. The pool of blood in front of Carmen’s desk. The fear with which Noah had gripped onto her. Tears threated to spill from her eyes. Oliva sniffed once and reopened her eyes. She needed to focus on something else, _anything_ else. She needed to hold it together for her son and Jesse, for the squad, for his mother, for Rafael himself. 

_He wouldn’t want you cry over him, wouldn’t want a big deal being made_ Olivia told herself. Olivia’s phone vibrated in her hand. 

**Got Carisi her address, here is her phone. I’m headed down to TARU then will meet you at the hospital.** was Fin’s quick text, along with a phone number. Olivia’s heart clenched in her chest and her hands were shaking. She had delivered similar, and sometimes much worse news to parents before. But his was completely different. This was her best friend, her confidant. Noah’s beloved Uncle Rafa. He was essential to the team. He was an essential part of their family, of _her_ family. It hadn’t even been a year since they lost Dodds Jr., she wasn’t sure she could take another loss. She certainly couldn’t lose him. Olivia shakily dialed the number, almost hoping Lucia wouldn’t pick up.

She did.

“Lucia Barba.” Was her short greeting, so similar to Rafael’s that the tears that had been threatening at the corners of Olivia’s eyes began to fall. 

“Hello?” Lucia questioned. Olivia quickly cleared her throat.

“Mrs. Barba, this is Lieutenant Benson. I work with your son,” Olivia couldn’t bring herself to say his name quite yet, “we met once briefly a couple of years ago.”

“Ah, Benson, yes. My Rafi still talks about you and you still drive him crazy.” Lucia said quickly with a light chuckle at the end. Olivia smiled slightly as she remembered meeting her that day at the courthouse. Her heart broke as she wondered if Lucia would ever hear her son complain about the crazy Lieutenant he worked with again.

“Lieutenant Benson, is there something that I can do for you?” Lucia asked after Olivia failed to continue the conversation. 

“Yeah, um, I…I wanted to personally be the one to tell you that…” Olivia couldn’t seem to get the words out, the words she had said too many times before were now stuck in her throat. She cleared it again, hoping it would help. “…there was an incident this evening at his office, at _Rafael’s_ office.” Olivia practically had to spit out his name as the tears were now streaming down her face. “There was an incident and they had to take him to the hospital –"

“What happened?” Lucia asked suddenly, the fear clearly evident in her voice.

“He was shot –” Olivia was barely able to breath out. 

“Dios mío, NO!” Lucia yelped on the other end of the phone. 

“Mrs. Barba, are you home? I’m sending one of my detectives to pick you up.” 

“No! No! Not my Rafi, _por favor dios no te lleves a mi hijo_!” Lucia cried. 

“Mrs. Barba, Lucia, I am so, so sorry. Detective Carisi is on his way to pick you up. Are you home right now?” Olivia tried again. 

“Sí, I am home. _Por favor_ , Lieutenant, is my son going to be alright?” Lucia questioned her, tears apparent in her voice. Her own voice trembling, Olivia wasn’t sure  
she could offer any convincing reassurance.

_“I wasn’t here, but it sounds like the paramedics were on scene quickly. They got him to the hospital as fast as possible. I’m…I’m so sorry, again. We will all meet you at the hospital.” Olivia said lamely._

__

__

_“Gracias. Thank you, Lieutenant.” Olivia heard her sniffle a couple of times before the line disconnected._

Left alone at the end of the hallway, with only her thoughts, Olivia brought her hands to her mouth as she choked back sobs. Images of Rafael flashed through her mind: the day they met, their first case, lunches and dinners, celebrations, and everyday nonsense. His smile radiated in her mind’s eye. She was so _afraid_ , she was nearly paralyzed with it. Olivia gave herself a couple of minutes, allowing herself to wallow in the fear and sadness before remembering that she still had things to do. 

Not wanting to scare Noah and Jesse anymore than they already were, Olivia wiped the tears from her eyes. She blew her nose on a spare tissue in her pocket and took several deep breaths, hoping she looked more put together than she felt. As she made her way back towards the kids, Amanda’s face told her that she was not. Rollins’ own fear and sympathy was clearly written on her own face, so Olivia decided she could wear her own as well. Olivia picked Noah back up. She and Amanda made their way to the elevators and descended to the ground level. The lobby was still full, and they silently decided to make their way out the back entrance. Rollins flagged down a cab. They all loaded inside, the kids sitting in their laps, and Olivia gave the driver their address. 

“Bellevue hospital, please. As fast as you can." 


	3. Waiting

When the cab had pulled up to the hospital Olivia, Amanda, and the kids had rushed through the ER looking for information on Barba. More badge flashing had gotten them escorted to an empty waiting area where they were informed that he had already been rolled into surgery. The ER nurse couldn’t give them any further information on his condition. While Olivia got the kids settled in a couple of chairs Amanda had texted Carisi to let him know where they were so he could escort Lucia to them. The two women waited in silence for her arrival while the kids cautiously began coloring again in their seats. 

Sergeant Wills called Olivia, letting her know that TARU had given the team the access codes for the camera footage. After watching the footage, Wills said that they were fairly certain that the men’s argument escalated to a physical altercation after Mr. Moore became aware that the kids were in the office and that it appeared that Barba had been shot while trying to prevent Moore from accessing his back office where the kids were. Olivia quietly shared the news with Amanda as a lump of guilt settled in her stomach. It was almost another 30 minutes before Carisi arrived with Lucia. 

Olivia and Amanda looked up when they heard Lucia burst through the door. Carisi followed just a step behind. She stopped and took in the waiting room. Her eyes briefly settled on Olivia with recognition before walking to the nurse’s station. Carisi made his way over to Amanda and Olivia, looking slightly shaken.

“How’s she doing, Carisi?” Amanda asked softly.

“She didn’t say much on the way down, and I didn’t have anything to tell her. It was a pretty quiet ride. How are all you holdin’ up?”

“The best we can.” Amanda responded softly, looking back to check on the kids. “They’re both safe which is a huge relief.” Carisi nodded before taking a seat on the other side of Amanda. 

“Momma, look what we drewed.” Noah said from behind them. All three looked to the kids, who were holding up folded pieces of paper with hearts drawn on them. 

“Wow, those look amazing you guys.” Olivia said sweetly. 

“They’re for Uncle Rafa, to help him feel better.” Noah explained shortly.

“Look Mommy, these hearts are for Mr. Rafa Baba.” Jesse told her mother. 

“I see, that is very sweet of you guys. I bet Mr. Barba will love your cards.” Amanda told them. 

“Mommy, is the doctor gonna make Mr, Rafa feel better?” Jesse asked her mother, blue eyes wide with concern. Amanda cleared her throat before answering.

“They are certainly going to try their best, sweetie.”

“Do they gots to kiss his owies better, like you do?” Jesse asked, clearly fascinated and concerned. Amanda chuckled lightly and shook her head.

“No baby, I think they’re going to need to do just a little more than kissing his owies.” Amanda told them gently. “But I think your cards will really make him feel better. It sounds like you colored a lot with him earlier, do you think he would want a couple more pictures from you guys?” Both kids smiled and nodded, going back to their coloring books and planning out their next artistic masterpieces. 

Olivia turned back to the nurses’ station and watched Lucia Barba converse with the head nurse on staff. Unsure if it was her place to do so, Olivia tentatively stood up and approached the older woman. The head nurse saw her first, nodding in acknowledgement. 

“If you need anything Mrs. Barba, please let us know. We will also keep you updated with information as it comes in from surgery.” She said reassuringly before leaving Olivia and Lucia standing alone in silence. Lucia sniffed once or twice before speaking.

“She said they took him in to surgery and that he lost a lot…a lot of _blood_. They still don’t have much information yet.” Lucia stated simply. 

“I am so, so sorry Mrs. Barba. We are all here for you…and for him.”

Lucia finally turned to look at Olivia with red eyes.

“What happened?” Lucia managed to rasp out. “What happened to my son?” It was not accusatory, which was more than Olivia had been hoping for. She gently steered the older woman down a side hallway for some privacy.

“It looks like the father of a man we sent to prison went to see him. They had argued and it escalated. The other man was armed. I do know the lead investigator and he has promised that he would let me know about their progress.” Lucia simply nodded as she stared blankly at the marked doors that led to the OR. Not knowing what else to do, Olivia simply waited for Lucia to make a move. The sound of two sets of little feet drew both of their attention. Noah and Jesse had wandered over, their cards in their hands. They looked nervously at Olivia, who smiled softly at them.

“Noah, Jesse, this is Mrs. Barba. She is Uncle Rafa’s mom.” The kids gave her a small wave. Lucia smiled sweetly at them.

“Well hello Noah and Jesse, it is very nice to meet you.” The kids responded with their own soft ‘hellos’.

“It looks like you two have been coloring.” Lucia indicated the paper in their hands.

“We made them for Uncle Rafa, so he can feel better, and he can know that we love him.” Noah timidly told her as both kids held the cards out for her to examine. 

“Mr. Rafa’s Mom, are you gonna kiss his owies better?” Jesse asked from Noah’s side. Lucia smiled at them both before kneeling to their level. 

“I can’t see him until the doctor says so, but as soon as I can, you better bet that I am going to _cover_ him with kisses until he feels better.” Noah and Jesse giggled. “Can I hold on to these for you? I promise I will get them to my son as soon as I can.”

Noah and Jesse handed over their cards as Olivia told them to go back and sit with Amanda and their Uncle Sonny. When Lucia stood back up, a smile on her face, she was examining the cards. Amanda had clearly written ‘Get well soon’ across the front of each and helped them sign their names on the inside. There were even more hearts and pictures of random animals drawn all over each of them. 

“They both went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago and have since been obsessed with drawing animals on absolutely everything.” Oliva explained. “I _think_ that is supposed to be a koala…” Olivia indicated a large blue mass in the inside of Jesse’s card with a large nose and ears “…and that is definitely Noah’s rendition of an elephant” she pointed to the inside of Noah’s card, which had a passable illustration of an elephant. 

“When mi Rafi was their age, he absolutely loved going to the Bronx zoo. He always wanted to go see the monkeys and then he would drag me through to see the snakes and lizards just because he knew I hated them so much.” Lucia said, chuckling lightly at the memory. 

“Why am I not surprised.” Olivia smiled at Lucia. 

“Noah should be starting school soon, yes?”

Olivia nodded her head as she looked at her son. 

“He’s got another year, but yeah, sooner than I ever imagined.”

“Rafi talks about him sometimes. He never mentioned that he was _Uncle Rafa _, though. I will need to talk to him about keeping things from his mother when I see him.”__

__Olivia smiled at Lucia. “He is surprisingly close with Noah, always have been. Well, almost always.” Olivia corrected quickly. “After the first few times I forced him to hold Noah, I think Rafael actually surprised himself with how easy it was to bond with him. Now, he is just part of the family.” Lucia looked at her with soft and kind eyes before reaching over a laying a hand on her arm._ _

__“Thank you for allowing him to be part of your family.”_ _

__Olivia broke eye contact to stare at the floor, needing a moment to try to control the guilt that she felt over the situation._ _

__“I’m sorry, Lucia. I should have been there.” Olivia said softly. “We were coming back late from a meeting, it was only supposed to be half an hour and when we got back to his office, we were too late. We should have been there. _I_ should have been there.” When she looked back up, Lucia had furrowed her forehead in confusion._ _

__“You could not have known, Lieutenant, that that man was going to hurt my son.”_ _

__Olivia breathed in deeply, trying to keep her tears at bay._ _

__“We have security footage of the incident, and it looks like…it looks like Rafael was hurt while trying to protect the kids. Your son was _shot_ while trying to protect mine. As a mother, I can’t imagine what you are going through right now…but I need you to know how _sorry_ I am for not being there to protect him.”   
Olivia looked at Lucia with watery eyes, begging for her forgiveness. Before she could say anything else, Lucia lightly grabbed Olivia by her shoulders and drew her into a hug._ _

__In the relative peace of the hallway the women let a few of their tears fall. Olivia’s guilt slowly faded as she chose to accept the open vulnerability and compassion that Lucia offered. But her fear remained. The ever-present reminder of Dodds Jr.’s untimely death lingered in the back of her mind as she withdrew from Lucia’s embrace. They dried their tears before walking back out to the waiting room side by side. Olivia checked in on Noah before settling down in her vacated chair. Lucia sat directly across from her and immediately withdrew a rosary from within her purse and wrapped it around her hands._ _

__Fin arrived soon after, with soft greetings and supportive glances. He settled down next to the kids and monitored their artistic progress. It was not long before the kid began to doze. Olivia and Amanda knew they should take the kids home but neither wanted to leave the hospital with Barba’s condition still unknown. Olivia debated calling Lucy to take the kids, but she also wasn’t quite ready to let Noah so far out of her sight after what had happened. Knowing Amanda felt the same, they simply draped a jacket over the kids and let them snooze on the makeshift bed Fin made by pushing to chairs together, end to end. One of the nurses thankfully took pity on them and dropped off a couple of pillows and a spare blanket._ _

__Chief Dodds showed up shortly after 11pm, showing his support and offering his deepest apologies to Lucia. He stayed for over an hour with the squad in the waiting room. The similarity of the situation to his son eventually was too much and he left with quiet promises to keep them updated if he heard anything about the investigation. Jack McCoy also made a brief appearance, talking quietly with Mrs. Barba about how appreciated her son was in the DA’s office and assured her that he would be given all the time he needed to recover. Lucia thanked him for his kind words and McCoy left as quickly as he arrived. After almost 5 hours of sitting and waiting, Fin stood up, muttered something about coffee and wandered down a hallway. Carisi had fallen asleep sometime before with his head tilted back against the wall and his mouth wide open. Amanda had fallen asleep too, her head resting against his shoulder. Olivia and Lucia remained wide awake across from each other._ _

__Every time the doors back to the OR opened, they both looked up for new news. The head nurse had been true to her word and offered them updates whenever they were received. The surgery had gone well; both bullets had been removed successfully. Rafael had been struck once in chest, just below his collar bone and to the right of his heart. Luckily, the bullet had missed just missed his right lung and major arteries. While it had caused a surprisingly minimal amount of tissue damage, it had hit and ricocheted off two ribs. The second bullet had caused significant damage to his abdomen, ripping through intestines and part of his liver, requiring a longer surgery than originally hoped for. The head nurse had also warned them that his surgeon had requested x-rays be taken after the surgery to check for any other breaks or fractures. Additional concussion testing would be done once he was awake and responsive._ _

__Fin eventually returned with a carrier of coffee and tea. He offered both choices to Olivia and Lucia, who both selected the tea over the hospital’s questionable version of coffee. The smell was enough to wake Carisi and Amanda, who both filled the remaining drinks with cream and sugar before downing the contents of their cups. Finally, around 2 AM they received news._ _

__The surgeon walked out of the OR doors and straight to the nurses’ station to talk with some of the nurses on staff. The squad and Lucia watched him anxiously. The head nurse had turned and pointed to their group before the surgeon made his way over to them. The kids were still sleeping so the adults all stood and met the surgeon halfway. He raised his eyebrows at them._ _

__“Family of Rafael Barba I presume?” He asked with a small smile. No one felt it was necessary to point out that, technically, Lucia was his only family. “The good news is that Mr. Barba made it out of surgery. There was some extensive damage that simply needed time to repair, but I believe that he is capable of a full recovery.” The surgeon stated. In most cases, such news would bring a wave of relief over the families of his patients, however this group continued to stand anxiously before him. He continued, “He was moved to a recovery room where we continue to monitor him for a while. If you want, one of the nurses can escort someone back to see him until he is moved to a more conventional room.” The squad all looked at Lucia and Olivia gently put an encouraging hand on her shoulder. The surgeon led Lucia over to one of the nurses, and after a brief conversation was led back through the OR doors to see her son._ _

__The remaining members of the waiting party continued to stand and look at each other nervously. No one wanted to say it, but they all knew they were thinking of Sergeant Dodds’ equally optimistic diagnosis. The sound of another set of doors opening drew their attention. Sergeant Wills walked through the doors, quickly identified Olivia and the squad, and joined them._ _

__They all greeted him softly, conscious of the sleeping kids a few feet away. Wills nodded to them in return._ _

__“Any news on Mr. Barba’s condition.” He asked._ _

__“You just missed his doctor. He’s made it out of surgery and is in a recovery room. It sounds like there was some pretty extensive damage from the two shots, but they are optimistic for his recovery. His mother is with him now.” Olivia summarized quickly._ _

__“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” Wills commented. “So far, we have been able to keep Mr. Barba’s name out of the press, but they are aware of the shooting at One Hogan Place. I was able to talk to Mr. Moore already and he confirmed that the shooting was not connected to the threats he had received earlier in the year. Mr. Moore legally purchased the gun several years ago. While he does have a legal permit, he does not have concealed carry license. He fired three shots, two hitting Mr. Barba as we know, and the third missed and buried itself in the back wall. Mr. Moore was cooperative with questioning and admitted that he suffered a lapse of judgement in the office. He also admitted fault for the shooting and has already agreed to plead guilty.”_ _

__There was a collective sigh of relief from the squad when they heard that he would be pleading guilty to the shooting. The last thing they wanted or that Barba needed was for this to go to trial. While it was unclear as to why Moore had suffered this “lapse of judgement,” knowing that he would be going to prison without a fight was a needed win._ _

__“Just so you know,” Wills continued, “Moore did admit to everything even before we showed him the video.”_ _

__“Can we see it?” Olivia asked suddenly. Now that Rafael had made it out of surgery and Elijah would be going to prison, she felt like she needed to see for herself what exactly had happened in that office. The others eagerly looked at Wills as well. He regarded them silently for a moment before turning on the tablet he had been carrying. After a couple of moments, Wills turned the tablet to face the group and pressed play. There was no audio, which was probably for the best, and the angle was designed to get a clear image of the people that entered the office. They watched silently as the video played._ _

__It began with soft talking, neither man appeared angry. Noah’s head of curly hair followed closely by Jesse’s blonde locks appeared at the bottom of the screen. Rafael spoke to them both before moving them into his back office and closing the door. That’s when everything changed. Moore visibly tensed. Rafael approached him cautiously. They could see that Moore spoke angrily, obvious from his facial expressions and stiff movements. They could only see Rafael’s back, which had also tensed from the escalation. His hands were low, like he was trying to cautiously approach a dangerous animal. Moore suddenly got into Rafael’s face. Barba gently maneuvered Moore back towards the front door. Moore pushed back. And then they were at blows. Rafael was able to dodge the first few, but he was eventually pushed back against his own office door. The camera couldn’t catch much, but it was obvious that he was taking a beating. Every punch was painful to watch.  
Barba was holding his own, and soon it looked like it was coming to an end. Rafael got in several jabs and a solid right hook, breaking Moore’s nose. There was a brief pause before Moore lunged back at Barba. Two more punches into Moore’s chest and a punch to the jaw had Elijah on the ground. If they didn’t know how it ended, the squad would have assumed the fight was over. They watched with dread as Rafael turned his back on Moore to pick up the phone. As he dialed, Moore reached back into his waistband, lifting his hips up just enough to pull out a revolver. Rafael turned towards him, lowering the phone. There were three muzzle flashes. Rafael dropped to his knees and then slumped to the floor. _ _

__Moments later, officers arrived on scene. The gun was secured, and the back room was cleared. The officer who cleared the back office had stayed in, presumably with the kids. Wills stopped the video there. Olivia let out a shaky breath. Amanda’s hands were clenched under her crossed arms and Carisi was still staring at the paused video, visibly pale. Even Fin seemed shocked but eventually was the first to speak. “Damn, we always knew Barba was a fighter, but I never would have guessed he had such a good left hook.” That got small smiles out of everyone. Wills informed them that as soon as Moore was cleared by the hospital, he would be arraigned for attempted manslaughter. He then left the squad to reflect on the video they had seen. Olivia turned towards her friends, all exhausted from the stress and late hour._ _

__“You guys should go home, get some rest. I can send you texts with updates on Barba’s condition, you shouldn’t have to spend the rest of your night here in the hospital waiting room.” Carisi and Fin exchanged a look and Amanda looked back to the kids._ _

__“I can take the kids back to mine or yours Liv, let them get a good night sleep. But I can bring Noah back tomorrow morning if you want or keep him for the day…” Amanda trailed off as she tried to read Olivia’s expression. Olivia simply shook her head, reassuring her that she and Noah would be going home as soon as Barba was out of the recovery room. Carisi volunteered to help carry Jesse and they were the first to leave. Fin stayed behind, not wanting to leave Olivia waiting on her own.  
As they settled back into the chairs, Fin decided to broach the topic with her._ _

__“How you holdin’ up, Liv? Like really holdin’ up?” Fin asked, knowing her history of being just “Fine” all the time. Olivia refused to meet his eye for a moment._ _

__“I’m trying, Fin, I really am. I needed to be strong for Noah, and Jesse, and his mom, but I’m just…tired.” Fin nodded in understanding. Olivia was always a strong leader and made sure everyone else was okay before taking care of her own emotions._ _

__“What are you thinkin’ about?” He asked softly._ _

__Olivia didn’t answer for a long moment, choosing to look back toward the OR doors that Lucia had disappeared behind, almost hoping that Rafael would walk out whole and healthy._ _

__“I don’t think I can lose him, Fin.” She said so quietly Fin almost didn’t hear her. “Everyone always leaves, and…and I’ve always been fine. I’ve compartmentalized, I’ve moved on. Alex and Casey, Elliot, Cragen, Nick. Everyone comes and then they go. But somehow, I have never imagined Rafael leaving. And now, now that he was _shot_ , I don’t think I ever realized how much I rely on him.”_ _

__“He’s your partner.” Fin said softly. “As soon as he got here, you two have had this thing, this connection. I never understood it, but I could always see it. Munch thought so too. And since you got promoted and got Noah, you two have become thick as thieves.” Fin knocked his elbow against hers teasingly. Olivia sniffed and gave her friend a small smile._ _

__“I just want him to be okay, Fin.”_ _

__“Me too, Liv.” Fin sighed next to her and placed his hand on her forearm, offering his reassurance. They sat like that in silence as they continued to wait._ _

__***_ _

__Olivia wasn’t sure how long they waited there before Lucia made her way back out to them. She was smiling as she approached them._ _

__“They moved him to a regular room. I’m going to stay here with him tonight.” Olivia returned her smile and nervously looked back from the way she came. Lucia noticed her hesitation._ _

__“I need to run down and get something small to eat and drink from the cafeteria, would you like to go in and see him, Lieutenant?” Lucia asked softly._ _

__“I can sit with Noah, Liv.” Fin offered beside her. Olivia looked at them both, nodding her thanks. Lucia told her how to get to the room before heading in the opposite direction for sustenance. Olivia made her way down the hallway, cautiously stopping outside the door with ‘Barba’ written on the whiteboard outside the door._ _

__Her heart broke when she walked through the door. Her hands instantly went to cover her mouth as she fought off tears and took in the sight of her best friend. He wasn’t as pale as the last time she saw him, but he still looked sickly. His left eye was swollen and dark purple, but they had at least cleaned the blood off his face. He had a butterfly bandage above his eyebrow, slightly yellow from the iodine they had put on his wound. She could see from the doorway that he was hooked up to an IV and heart monitor, the wires hanging down his sides and into his left arm. She moved slowly closer to the side of the bed. They had dressed him in a hospital gown so she couldn’t see his surgical sutures. Barba’s hair had flopped down in front of his face, the gel he had used that morning finally giving out. Tentatively, without consciously realizing she was doing it, she reached out with her right hand and brushed his hair to the side. It was greasy from the gel and days’ wear._ _

__Her hand raked over his stubbled cheeks as she gently moved her hand down the side of his face to grip his uninjured hand lightly. She rubbed her thumb across his knuckles, feeling how rough they were. When she glanced down, she realized his hand wasn’t as uninjured as she originally thought. His knuckles were red and slightly swollen, and Olivia remembered his fist connecting with Moore’s jaw. Olivia simply watched his chest slowly moving up and down, taking comfort in the fact that he was still breathing._ _

__“Hey Rafael.” She said into the silence of the room. “You scared us you know that, right? The whole squad has been here, even Dodds and McCoy for a moment or two. Your mom is here too, of course. I made sure Carisi drove her down.” Olivia paused, realizing that she had so much she wanted to tell him. A single tear made its way from the corner of her eye. “We need you to be okay Rafa. You are part of this team and the squad needs you. Noah needs you to read to him and talk to him. He trusts you and he loves you so much. I don’t know how to do this job without you. You have always been by my side; the greatest friend anyone could ask for.” Olivia took a sharp breath in as she looked around the room. “ _I_ need you too, probably most of all. You’re my best friend, Rafa, so _please_ , I need you to be okay.” Olivia gripped his hand lightly, but it remained limp in her own. “I promise I will be back as soon as I can tomorrow. Get some rest.” She allowed herself to brush his hair back once more before reluctantly withdrawing her hand from his. Needing one last look, one last confirmation that he was alive, Olivia turned once more at the door. It was harder to see his chest move from that far away, but the constant beeping of his heart monitor reassured her enough to continue back out into the hallway. _ _

__Having found a few snacks in the cafeteria, Lucia had made her way back to her son. She and Olivia exchanged reassurances and promises that they would see each other in a few hours’ time before parting once more. Before she could make it more than a few feet, Olivia was stopped again._ _

__“He talks about you still.” Lucia called from behind her. Oliva turned halfway back towards her. “He talks about all of you, really. But you most of all. And your son too. I doubt he has ever said anything to you, but you make him happy. A mother can always tell when her child is happy, and I never got the chance to thank you for that all of those years ago.” Lucia looked at her in a way that made Olivia’s heart full._ _

__“He makes me happy too.” She admitted before she could even process the truth behind her words. Lucia smirked at her, much in the same way her son would._ _

__“Get some sleep _mija_. Our Rafi is a stubborn man, and we’re going to need to help keep him in line when he wakes up.” Lucia turned and headed into his hospital room, not recognizing, or caring that she had frozen Olivia to that spot in the hallway. _ _

___Mija_. My daughter._ _

__Even before her own mother had died, Olivia felt like she had always been looking for a family. She had Noah now, and of course the squad. It should have been uncomfortable, being called _my daughter_ after such a short time knowing each other. Both Olivia and Rafael were generally private people, and Rafael had always kept most of his work and home life separated. But Olivia and Noah had always been the exception. They would work late together at her apartment so she could see her son at the end of the day. He would treat her to dinner or a drink when she had a rare night off of Mom duty. They really had become fast friends like Fin had said. With Rafael being ‘Uncle Rafa,’ it wasn’t too much of a leap to include Lucia into her unconventional family. Not prepared to completely unpack that box of feelings and information, Olivia decided to leave it for another time. _ _

__She told Fin that she would be back at the hospital by late morning, likely with Noah in tow. He understood and told her to keep him updated. After a brief hug, the two parted ways. Olivia carried Noah down to the front of the hospital and got into a cab, courteously called by the nursing staff. She held him close in the back seat as they made their way to her apartment. Choosing to forgo pajamas for the night, Olivia tucked her son into his bed fully clothed. As she stared down at his sleeping form, she reflected on the day’s events. She had come so close to losing so much. Without talking with Moore or Rafael there was no way to know how much danger the kids had truly been in. The video alone was enough to convince Olivia that without Rafael there, Noah and Jesse would have been in real peril._ _

__Olivia quickly changed before crawling into bed. She was exhausted but her head was still racing. It wasn’t long before she gave in to fitful sleep. Olivia’s dreams that night were haunted by the voices of Noah and Jesse calling for her help. And, of Rafael bloody and beaten, laying on the ground, already dead._ _


End file.
